whatever you do, just stay true to yourself

beneath all other things, following society's norms, its fame, wealth and superficiality, follow your heart and believe.

By The Way

Rapunzel was awesome. Loved the movie oh so very much, everything about it from how simple it is to how funny and lovely it is.


It was aggyness's birthday today. Hope she enjoyed herself and liked the cake - guanaja. Oh and the balloons we blew for her :-) And everything else! She's so cute. Like it was her birthday and she made us potato salad and gave us cards. How cuteeeee. Hehehe.

Hello agnes, i know you're reading this. You're so special even though you live in your own world sometimes.

Okay the laptop is really slow now i'll upload pix tomr.

Toodles :-)

Never Yours Again

So this weekend I was down with fever,cough and flu. It was so horrible especially with the muscle ache. I remember when my temp was 39.8 and i was like 'i don't want brain damage!!' This sickness spoilt the whole weekend getaway. Sold away the ranpunzel tickets, which made me really sad :( But anyw, we decided to watch it in 2d instead..

Now I just feel like I haven't had fun like holiday fun for so so long... Nothing sucks more than being sick.

Like an introvert,i drew my overshirt

Monday
There wasn't dance :( Bought a new bag, it's kinda turquoise and i love the colour very much :) Also bought a laptop cooler! love itt. Then aggy and i went to eat awesome cheese fries.

Tuesday
Ballet and Contemporary, ballet is soooo rigid. Not really my type of dance. I love the contemporary dance though. The music, Lost in You - Olivia Broadfield, really like it a lot.

Wednesday
Acrobatics and Hip Hop. Acrobatics was so tiring, but fun! Oh i think i can do a longer handstand now. Hip hop went really fast, but it was funnnn.
Hop Night at RED CAMP 7, we managed to sneak in (thanks to christian and jr) even though it was sooooo tight. That feeling was goood. With honeyb, jolyn, van, glenda, beaver and su. Then we kinda had supper after, i had cinammon melts. Which is awesome much.

Thursday
Jazz class! Marie didn't come. But this other teacher is kinda funnny too. Oh saw st margs girls too. Nostalgia. Then aggy and I met up with Faith and Evelyn! We shopped and bought maxi dress heheeee. Ate at kichn, the food is awesomee.

At kichn

kute evelyn

At wilkie edgedon't you just love how photographs lets you see things through another light? i wouldn't say this photo is good, but it makes me seeeeeeee new things.

Anyway today is friday. No dance, but i'm thankful because my whole body have been aching for at least two days! But nonetheless, I love dancing. It's liberating, it brings you to a whole new world. The only thing is, when you feel like you're not good enough for dancing, you give up - you tell yourself you're not good enough and you want to stop. I think that's why I'm always on off about dancing.

Oh and I just wish I had better memory.

Okay this sums up my whole weeeeek. Toodles blogger, I miss livejournal and I still check out tumblr. ;)

FLEA ESCAPE

with this cute minnie and kitty :-)

bought this :)

The top i really wanted but didn't buy - stupid!

evelyn's profile pic worthyyyy!

the ring i bought from aggy :-)

It's a good first experience, although the crowd was real bad, (seriously the peeps need to do some advertising?!), and at the end it was so c h a o t i c. Those crazy stallowners all started to shout $1 $2 etc. It was really, irritating. Hahaha but I still bought a dress, and two tank tops from our 'neighbour' who's really nice. So I kinda 'earned' some money, but it's really not worth selling clothes at flea :-( You have to sell at dirt cheap prices. The good thing was, there was a girl who was like 'Their stuff all damn chio leh!' and some other comments. Hahah it was nice to hear, but c'mon buy something! Kiasu students and aunties. Then went to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, part 1. It wasn't that awesome to me. Fredric's birthday next, and the awesome birthday cake from bakerzin plus VIP Deluxe room at St Regis!

It was a good day.
♡

I knew I Love You

We've had our ups and downs.
We've came so close to giving up.
We've such overwhelming feelings for each other, yet we bicker all the time.

Let's hope we'll pull through every single one.
<3

I Love You

1. more than life 5:44 PM Oct 27th via sgBEAT
   • Delete

School

I AM PROMOTED!

So I passed all my subjects, except physics. Got an S. Such an irony, cause physics is the only subject I have tuition!
My grades:

ECONS - B
MATH - B
PHYSICS - S
CHINA STUDIES - C
CHINESE - C
GP - D

I would like to believe there's an improvement compared to MYE, but I can't even rmbr my MYE. But I'm quite sure there is. :) Quite disappointed for physics, very surprised for math! Whatever it is, I made it through and so did the girls. :)

On a side note, I really want to make this a permanant blog. It'd be so nice to look back at these memories.

Birthday

I had a good 17th birthday, and an awesome boyfriend.
Thanks for all the surprises <3

and to everyone else.
had a piknik at botanical gardens.
and dinner at roma's deli (my fave veg restaurant)
cake-cutting at esplanade.
love aplenty.

Gone

Just remember that you were the one who threw these all away.

Life

It's not even at the end of the year yet, but i'd say this year was good. I was (and still am) a relatively hardworking student (compared to my primary and secondary school days) and I actually don't hate studying like I did before.

Oh yah talking about this year. I didn't even realise my birthday is approaching cause all i'm thinking is "promos in 4 weeks". 12 oct - last day of promos (: So i have time to enjoy and maybe buy myself a birthday gift hahahhahaha which is pretty cool cause i haven't done that before.

Alrightey. Going for the mymca event in about 45 mins time. Have been involved in quite a number of community work these days. Which is a good thing (: I think it's only right to give back to your society especially when you're born with a roof over your head and plenty of good foooooooood! (: yayyyyyyy. Okay wordy post, bye!

I don't think I can ever seriously like competitions, I just can't take the sadness of seeing anyone getting so upset due to a match :( Anyway, was watching the handball match Russia Vs Denmark. The whole place was filled with Denmark supporters. Russia was leading from the start until the near end, where they were breaking even. Until... they lost by 2 points. I think it was really disheartening. How the entire place cheered for Denmark, and how the Russiansmust have felt. The looks on their face when they lost.... :'(

How to live life great

long day today, sex talk in the morning, food and nutrition talk in the afternoon, running in the gym in the evening, night study at night (: that sums up my whole day i'm dead tired, tomr's tchers day celebration we're gna have potluck (: oh and going for handball finals (yog) tomr!

xxx

appreciate our differences.

Rewind

I hate how i havent gone to night study and how i came home just to stare blankly at the book, doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, not even one question and how i even missed the show. Very frustrated at how a stomachache can kill me. Make me unhappy for most of the time, unable to concentrate, the feeling of just dying right at thereee. I'm !@#$$$$$$$-ed up, period.

A Story

"When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.

She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;
it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!"

Idk who wrote this, and idk how real it is. But it certainly reminds us to cherish the people around us cause it's so easy to forget how much they actually mean to us. <3

Love

Back to Blogger

I miss blogging days. Read through all the old posts, nostalgia much.

banana boat from yami, my all time favourite, a good day (ystd) in a very long time, many picture perfect memories. oh and check out my new stud, i love it.

promos are nearing, i oughta start mugging. love love.

I don't want to do this anymore

sorry

I'm a heartbreaker

Heartwrench

good morning, tears

hate that i'm so fucking vulnerable

tell me

When all else fails, what do you live for?
What exactly do you live for?

Love rules

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love her/him, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain.

How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame, let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away.

Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you.
Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit.
Give it to the world around you in anyway you can.

This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into saying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you.

But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery.

Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.
Don't deny love just only you don't want to be hurt...

If you keep your heart open, It will come again.

I'm not giving up on you

So what if it hurts me
So what if I break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I'm just trying to be happy

me

"I’m the type of girl who will fall for a guy she barely knows. Who will listen to a love song and see his face. Who will look for him wherever she goes. I’m the type of girl who doesn’t get over things easily. Who will beat herself up when someone doesn’t love her back. Who will cry herself to sleep cause she feels she’s not good enough, but I’m always the type of girl whose strong. Who can cry her eyes out then forbid them to come back the next morning. Who will blast some old pop song and sing at the top of her lungs cause she feels like it. Who will be no one but herself."

poetic heartache